So after turning 22 in May, I realized life is moving on regardless of how much I want to stop time. I feel like I'm getting old or maybe it is just the beginning of getting old. Either way, I am feeling such pressure to pick a career, get married in the next 5 years, and have children. Wow, that's a lot of expectations society places on us as human beings. I would at least like to know what it is I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I went to massage therapy school, but decided it wasn't for me. I went through CNA class and decided it wasn't for me. I went to bartending school and decided it wasn't for me. I'm in college and not sure which degree I should be picking.
I used to think I had it all figured out before high school ended. Turns out, I didn't. I lost my virginity at age 18 with a man 12 years my senior. I still have no regrets--he was a very spiritual person and the connection was there. I felt like I grew tremendously from age 18-19. Since then, I feel in many ways my spiritual life has come to a hault and I have no idea what I should be doing.
In March of this year I broke up with my boyfriend of two years, Seth. He said he wanted to marry me, have kids with me, etc. He would have been great for all of those things, but something did not feel right. I am still soul searching. Since then, my old roommate and now ex best friend decided to date him and now he's apparently wanting to propose to her. Wow, did I wonder if I made a mistake or not. I can't believe she did that? What does friendship mean these days? I cried everyday for a while over this and went to therapy because I felt so betrayed and heartbroken that my friend who date my ex after we just broke up. I also wondered if I may have turned down the love of my life. I'm thinking differently now, but it's still hard to deal with.
Oh, I forgot to mention my car died today at the light so I am at my family's house borrowing their car for transportation to work.
There is so much more on my mind. I should sleep soon.
Until another time,
Alicia
Don't mistake wildflowers for weeds because they're wild, because they're free.
Welcome to the blog of a vegetarian woman who is finding her life purpose. Day-to-day concerns and other topics in my life will be discussed! ♥
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